New York and other things
let me clarify.
The night before the new york trip was spent smoking massive amounts of pot with my friend, Andrew. He is a rather stoic creature; not too harsh or needy. His beard covers most of his face, and I can hardly see his lips, so when he smiles, the only way i can tell is by his eyes. Now, they are profound. Big and heavy, black when in the dark, but brilliant with green in the light. They nestle between two rows of beautiful black eye lashes that arch gently towards his Romanesque nose. Long blond hair like a 7 year old girls, but rugged like Greg Allman. Very suiting.
He speaks low and soft. Rather conservative in language, but wild and indulgent in mind. He still needs time to warm up to my peculiar way of living, so I'll know more of him eventually. But for now, he is a tall, thin shadow to me, and his heat is just the spring coming, not of real flesh and bone.
I was drunk, taking pictures of a tennis racket on my wall when he came in. The christmas tree lights were on, sparkling against the pictures and MAC3000 banner stretched across the wall. He had entered my dream world, as a brave experimentee. I knew it was strange, and I only hoped he would fit in nicely with me. He rolled a blunt in the kitchen while I danced around to my new favorite song, Bankrobber, by the Clash, in my green sunglasses. I made him a delicious vodka cranberry and he passed me the blunt. We sat in the living room after that, just being really stupid. And to tell you the truth, I can't remember most of the things we did or said. We listened to Matt's southern gospel music on his record player and talked of random inventions. Silly things. I remember laughing a lot, and turning to him to see his smiling eyes all big with fuzzy euphoria. I thought maybe he was an apostle. We parted, late. And i had to be up in 3 hours for the trip.
5:15 came, and i opened my eyes, feeling as if i had just closed them to rest seconds before. I thought maybe I couldn't make it. The dark was nipping at my exposed skin, everywhere the blanket wasn't covering. eyes stinging and muttering many curses, I got ready, made Greg get up (he was going too, but usually decides not to go at the last minute, even though he's already paid) and then we were gone. Minutes later, I passed out on the bus. We arrived in the city at 9:10 am. Items in my purse: wallet, chapstick, water and a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich.
Most of the day was full of walking. Just Greg and I, going to galleries, getting lost on elevators. Trying not to get run over. We spent 2 hours or somethign in the MOMA in order to get our $12 worth of art-lookin. At the end of it, we collapsed on a giant bed couch we found in the museum lobby. We started a revolution as many others began to lay on the bed couch. Some napped, others played cards around us. We just talked about the ceiling a lot, and our dreams. Big waves and strange contraptions falling from the sky.
The city is a wonderful bustle of people and machines. Even the buildings seem to crank out strange fumes that mose about through the streets. I felt sealed within, like a dome, completely distracted from the rest of the world and everyone else seemed numbed out of believing the rest existed at all. Death to the tourists. Stay here forever!
We eventually found our way downtown. Got lost. Finally found a place to buy some friggin cigarettes and red bull. It was a peaceful part of town. A place I could live, I think. More families and people walking their little prissy dogs in sweaters. We sat in starbucks for a minute, trying to fix my glasses that had broken. Then we met up with Greg's friend that lives in city, Alicia. Very cute girl. The bar was called Emerald something and they played good music with the lights down real low. We drank a lot. Hoegarden was 3 bucks so Greg and I got drunk. Greg was going for shitty.
She left for the train to take her home to Jersey, and Greg and I got lost on the subway. Dumb drunks!
We found a diner closer to where the bus was picking us up. Ate a quick snack of mozarella sticks and pabst blue ribbon. We then quickly transfered to a bar right in front of where the buses were picking us up. We each chugged another beer, and made our way into the bus at 9:04 pm. We were supposed to have left by 9.
After a long, drunk journey, Dani and Ben wanted to come smoke more at my place. I had also invited Andrew but my phone had died, and I didn't know what would become of him. A train was coming, so we drew on the closed gates, then Dani tried to hang on it as the train chugged away and the gates came up. A cop saw us, threatened to arrest us. We were laughing at him becuase he was only my size, and he was very timid. Eventually he stopped harraasing us and we ran off screaming with laugher.
Came back to my place, and Andrew was there already. Good boy, he just let himself in and hung out with Matt. And Matt, our neighbor. Matt is living with us. The other one.
They were playing chess. I didnt understand. I walked in and collapsed on the couch. We smoked out of Greg's bong that he made, told stories about my journey and then I was awake again.
Everyone started fading out of the living room until it was just Andrew and I. We watched Wondershozen and cuddled under a blanket. Sort of cuddling. Very close, arms touching. But not hands. I do this weird thing, where I imagine loving the person as if I've loved them forever. So i decided that if I ever do love him, i will be glad of this slow crawl towards touching and butterflies. My heart hurts badllyyy for affection, but im much too frank for him. much too blatant and crude. I can't even decide if he's handsome, but something in his deep voice sounds like a place i've been. Like, a place i could crawl into and fall asleep. I'm not sure what it is yet, but he's curiously appealing. But I can't say much else for now.
I think he might be asexual.
wow, this story turned out to be about something other than what i intended ....
stories told, lessons learned.
somebody tell me the moral of it all.
posted by SheNEVERsaid @ Friday, February 27, 2009
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