pit

So the greatest fears have come, and i am crushed.
my chest creaks and moans and builds pressure each time i pass over these thoughts of loss.
i can not make them go.

everything i consider is now cold and withdrawn. painful and throbbing like a collection of irritated sores.

oh that moment. that one feared moment i thought would never come.
it came, and came again and again. AND AGAIN and not enough release would escape from my eyes, not enough comfort could come from his stone still frame.
no longer any touch to heal me, no longer any will to heal.

he is gone now. he has lost what he once loved in me and i dont know where its gone.
but it is. ohhh god it is.
and the sting and the heavy and the burn and the desire to SCREAM cycles in out through these days
and i dont know if i can bare to see if it gets any better.

oh my god.
this hurts more than anything i ever thought this body could endure. im waiting for the breakdown. almost begging for it now.
almost ready to make it come faster myself.

oh beautiful boy. oh my life. oh my crushed . crushed.
it is taken. alllll this. taken from me. and ahpriuuut8 yhnjb mmmmmmmujhkj

i CANT DO THIS