hiding in my bedroom, and sudden desire to climb out the window

im trying to hold onto these moments.

on my roof, the architecture divided around me. the rubble, the desolation. the thin, knobby branches curl up to the sky, heavy with mourning purple tapestries, soaking up cloud tears, only to shed them on us as we sleep.

the glow from the window falls into geometric shapes on the ground, cascading onto the pressed blades of grass, all smooshy with mud and rotting leaves. shriveled little lawn.

the green light from the backyard casts an eerie shade. I glance over my shrub kingdom from up here on this roof. scattered logs, broken chairs. broken glass. speckling of cigarette butts, all disintegrating into this valley of shrub. up here in all my glory. too close to the edge, too high. too high ... the shrub i must leave, climb back through the window. the smoke has caught my nose, and the tears have started to drip atop my head.