story of a nothing girl

since the news that i may be dying of pneumonia, i've begun to cough a little louder. feel a little weaker than normal

im not sick, obviously. im just being optimistic!

well, i'm not going to get into it but I had a long conversation with the one about how our lives suck.
am i happy that he's suffering? yes
but so am i of my own suffering.

i will suffer through these next few months and come out clean on the other side. and i will have been glad to had this mess to compare with my luck. Luck of Luck.

but i still insist on making him miss me. and i think he does. but it doesn't matter. he doesnt want to be with me right now, and i dont want to be with him.

and so where does all that mourning/missing go?
into the hole, of course! to stew and curdle.
and once it bubbles up to the top, i will emerge, look behind me and all that i have known of myself will be left at the bottom.

oh, nothing girl. where do your values lie?